If Change Hurts, You’re Probably Doing It Right

Even good changes often don’t feel good in the beginning. Sometimes it would even be less painful not to change. Remaining the same feels easier inside your body because it’s familiar. The thing you’re changing might not be healthy — it might even be terrible for you — but the familiar still feels better.

If you’re trying to quit drinking and you’re two days in, a lot of the time it feels excruciating. Going back to alcohol would actually feel easier and better in that moment. Does that mean you should just quit trying to quit?

Or when you’re going through a breakup and really missing your ex — even though you know they lied, disrespected you, or hurt you — reconnecting with them might bring relief in that moment.

I could go on with so many examples of positive changes that feel awful at first.

It doesn’t mean the change is wrong. It means you’re leaving behind a pattern that once kept you safe, even though it also kept you stuck. Our bodies get used to what’s familiar — so much so that our habits and the people in our lives almost live inside our nervous system.

When we get that text, when it’s 5:00 and they’d usually be home, when we drive by our go-to bar or go to an event where a drink was always in our hand — our bodies remember. We get used to all of it, and when those cues are gone, we can feel it.

Where is that text?

Why aren’t we pulling into our bar?

To our bodies, “known” equals safe — and “unknown” feels unsafe.

That means it’s our job to teach our bodies that we actually are safe now. When your body is craving something that’s missing, the first step is finding out what that craving is really about.

If you’re missing alcohol around 5:00, what are you truly looking for from that drink? Escape? A good taste? Relaxation? Connection? Once you know, you can give that to yourself in a healthy way.

Want to escape? Get lost in a book or take a walk in nature.

Need relaxation? Run yourself a warm bubble bath or stretch for a few minutes.

When you start showing up for yourself and get curious about what’s underneath the discomfort, you can stay with yourself instead of falling back into old habits, patterns, or people you’re trying to move forward from.

The discomfort you’re feeling is a sign that your nervous system is realigning. If you stick with it, you’re going to end up so much happier.

When the person trying to quit drinking moves through the loss of alcohol, they find true freedom. When the person leaving a toxic relationship doesn’t go back to their ex, they open space for an aligned partner — or a deeper relationship with themselves.

When change hurts, remember it’s not a sign to turn back — it’s a sign you’re finally breaking free from things that you grew out of.